The gospel of Jesus Christ is easier for the simple than the rational, yet it is not easy for anyone, not even Christ.  There is only one way into the deep things of God and that is by yielding up everything for Christ and the kingdom.  When I experienced my personal theophany and God became real it was then that I knew my road would be a difficult one.  I knew how hard I had devoted myself to the natural kingdom, intellectual pursuits in science, philosophy, and literature, physical pursuits in tennis and basketball, artistic pursuits like music and art and just how hard I worked for me I knew that I would taste the suffering of Christ and would have to go even farther for Christ.  This knowledge truly became a reality.  I gave up everything literally.  I gave all my possessions away, spent what little money I had on a bible, and began the spiritual journey.  I lost the only life I knew to gain the kingdom of God and as St. Paul says in Corinthians love is more than that.  It is long suffering and kind.  It is not self centered.  It thinks no evil.  Is not easily offended.  It bears all things, hopes all things, believes all things, endures all things.  Within three months I had a complete nervous breakdown, spent five years in and out of psychiatric wards, battled type one bipolar, and tried to live without medication.  I battled spirits of lust, spirits of anger, and spirits of religion for thirty two years.  But when God was ready he delivered me and not only did I receive the baptism of the Spirit within months of my theophany, after I was delivered two years ago, I received the gift of the Father as a wind blew into me while I was lying on my bed in the middle of the night.  For two years I have had joy without any effort on my part, a growing gift of scriptural knowledge, a sound spiritual life, and the gift of a generous heart.  I live alone, spend most of my time in silence and meditation and writing and stay in touch with the world as a opportunity to witness for God.  The only way we receive all is by giving up all.  Your particular suffering may not be like mine but in order to really know Christ some suffering will have to occur.  Only by losing your life will you save it.  That my friends is the gospel.  No regrets for me!   
 
Amen